Ask MetaFilter. I (belated 20’s cis/het girl) met a guy online recently with who i’ve amazing chemistry and great deal in accordance
Immediately after conference we noticed we have been both musicians and began exercising some chamber music pieces together, which was really satisfying both for of us.
The truth is, he is bisexual and poly, and I also am monogamous (as much as I is able to see). I’ve not a problem utilizing the part– that are bisexual notice it as a positive– but I do not think I’m thinking about a poly relationship. At the least, i have never tried it. We knew these specific things once I came across him, but he appeared like a great individual that We had been thinking about getting to understand, therefore I made a decision to get in having an available head. I also think element of why i am drawn to him is basically because he is a more experienced and adventurous person (sexually and otherwise) because I think I can learn about myself. Additionally, he treats me personally a complete lot nicer than a whole lot of straight dudes have actually and it is simply more interesting become around.
Seeing that this example happens to be therefore amazing, i am not sure how exactly to navigate it. Genuinely, i do want to keep seeing him. But provided that we ( think) we want monogamy, is the fact that concept ridiculous? We have been likely to have a conversation later this week, and I also’m actually unsure things to say.
Cutting contact entirely appears like a shame, since we now have this kind of vibe that is great. Ending the musical collaboration appears such as for instance a pity too, as it’s already been enjoyable and we also’ve worked pretty difficult regarding the pieces currently. As well as the intercourse happens to be. the best of my entire life.. and since I have know you merely reside when Learn More Here, i am wondering if it is worth every penny to keep seeing him to discover what the results are.
I am not sure simple tips to navigate this. It really is somehow unethical for me personally to keep seeing him and playing music together, however in the rear of my brain comprehending that if We find an individual who wishes one thing exclusive, that I’ll stop seeing him? Can it be somehow unethical that I want monogamy for him to date me, knowing? I do not think i will downgrade the partnership right down to just friendship, because i will be so physically drawn to him. Has anybody ever held it’s place in this example and trained with a opportunity? Fundamentally my fear is the fact that in engaging in a casual connection, i will be decreasing my likelihood of to be able to find a significant partner to possess a family group (or simply your dog) with. Is it idea launched on anything real besides prudishness? In addition, i am into the fading months of 29, and I also’m certainly not in a rush to stay down, but I do not wish to wait till most of the good ones are taken (though we hate to possess to live through this old fashioned and patriarchal mindset).
Up to your final remark I became planning to suggest you provide a relationship having a poly a tryout. It could end quickly having a understanding you are actually perhaps perhaps not cut fully out for that, or it may come out that the expectations that are shuffled obligations really fit you. You can discover a great deal about your self and everything you really would like in relationship.
Nonetheless, your statement that is last makes think this experiment is condemned before it offers started. If you should be planning to constantly have one attention out for something more conventional you may never commit sufficient to see should this be what you want. I’d save some drama and provide it a pass. published by Tell Me No Lies [4 favorites]
I am certainly not in a hurry to stay down, but I do not like to wait till most of the ones that are good taken
Definitely don’t bother about that. The ‘good people’ will not all get taken — also to be frank, very very first marriages do not always exercise. My ‘good one’ married and divorced another person before we came across — and by that right time i’d hitched and divorced some other person, myself. And both for the social people we would hitched proceeded to locate their ‘good people’ after us.
Re: most of your question, relationships having a poly individual in which the other individual is not at the very least okay by having a relationship that is open/nonmonogamous regardless if they may be perhaps maybe not poly on their own — frequently never exercise, for pretty obvious reasons. And I also truly would not suggest you make an effort to change him, or somehow hope he fundamentally settles into monogamy-mode. If your issues are less with jealously/attention-sharing/unhappiness when you look at the minute of one’s relationship, and more with sort of vague future-oriented ‘but what whenever we are not A Permanent Bonded Pair?’, you are able that you may navigate this. I do believe it’s at the very least well worth a discussion with him.
I am curious why you would imagine it may be ‘unethical’ to help keep seeing him. Have this concern was shared by you with him? He may perhaps not notice it in that way. Also it still might be possible to have an ethical and fun relationship within both of your comfort zones if you can’t have a permanent or long-term relationship because you’re not matched in terms of preferences. posted by halation [1 favorite]
It really is somehow unethical if I find someone who wants something exclusive, that I’ll stop seeing him for me to keep seeing him and playing music together, but in the back of my mind knowing that?
No. All friendships ebb and flow as lovers can be found in and away from life. Yours would be no various.